I Finally Got Over: “When Is the Mental Illness Train Going to Hit Me?”

I now live in, “When is it going to hit my children?”

After publishing an article about growing up with a mother who suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder, I received this note:

I spent all of my twenties agonizing, determined never to have children because of my screwed up genes. (My mother has a severe case of bipolar disorder.) After finally getting over ‘When is the mental illness train going to hit me,’ and finally deciding to try to have biological children, I now live in “When is it going to hit my children?”

I can let myself feel pure panic when I think of abusing my children the way I was abused.

OK, so that’s the first thought, the one I have no control over. The second thought has to be: how are they doing today?

Great.

Moving on! I go about managing my depression and let them live their lives, knowing I am always there, whatever the circumstances. As a parent of now-teens, I did not understand during their infancy and childhoods how strong children are. Really, our best parenting is to provide food, clothing, and shelter, as much love as we can muster, and the willingness to apologize to them when we are wrong. If we can do that, our children…